Friday, September 20, 2013

Finding A New Me ~Amy

I'm up bright and early this morning healthy and alive and just so happens that I'm on this amazing trip but yet I feel as tho there is some sort of void going on. I havnt quite been able to pin point what it might be untill talking to Danette last night, she asked me if I was aware of my surroundings and a question to follow to confirm that I really don't pay attention to my surroundings, I really shut a lot of stuff out and don't bother dealing with it may it be my surroundings or something that is going on in my life or others. My sister was here with me for two weeks spending this time with me and sharing this great experience together and yet I feel like ive just been shutting a lot of things out not really being_"aware" of my surroundings because when I think back on my trip so far I cannot think of anything or have had any "awe" moments, which I feel like I should have plenty of them. I mean how many people get to travel the world and see all of these amazing things yet have nothing to talk about? Ive been feeling like shit since my sister left, feeling like we didn't get along because ive just had this built up tension with myself that I haven't been dealing with, feeling like a was the worst host to her, feeling like a complete drag to be around. And I don't know if these are just feelings that I have or if is the reality of it. Its really and everyday battle with feeling like this, but I put it on the back burner and don't bother dealing with my own feelings I guess you can say finding this out about myself was an awe moment for me because I had never really thought about it but yet I have and last night was the first time ive acknowledged that I have this problem, ive never talker about it with anyone and have no clue where this all started and how ive become this way but knowing the issue is there and knowing I need to start thinking and dealing with my own thoughts and feelings is a great start to knowing myself more and being my own person and to also be someone whom is a pleasure to be around.

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